In 2012/2013 when I first start started to become sick I felt so alone. I had so many people around me but I felt so isolated. I was suffering with anxiety and depression but whenever I tried to talk about it I felt so alone because I wasn’t aloud to talk about my feelings. If I tried to talk about my feelings I was told to just get over it and that I was being stupid! The only stupid person here were the people refusing to listen and help me. I ended up bottling thing up which would lead to me snapping because I just couldn’t take it any longer.
But I had more than just anxiety and depression going on in my life. It was the start of me becoming chronically ill but no one knew at the time what was happening to my body. I started getting the most horrendous back pain (although take me back to those days any day). I also started bleeding heavily all the time and passing blood clots. Doctors couldn’t tell me why this was happening and so I was in hospital load having tests done all the time. I was having MRI scans and ultrasounds. They found cysts on the ovaries but didn’t think that was the cause to my problems.
Many times my GP would send me to a&e because I would see him crying in pain and he didn’t know what to do and knew I needed help. One time my Gran took me to hospital because my parents were working. She sat with me while they did some test and then they gave me a morphine injection into the bum because of the pain. They kept me in over night while they did obs on be but there was nothing clear going on so I was sent home. Another time my mum and sister took me to a&e late at night. I was in agony later that night they decided I needed to see the gynaecologist but they were at a different hospital which meant I had to go via ambulance by myself to this other hospital where I didn’t get seen until 3am.
I was visiting my GP quite a bit and I was having loads of time off work and college. People couldn’t accept this and thought I was being stupid and making it up. People around me who were meant to care didn’t show me support. I only had a few people who actually showed real support during this time.
Why when your surrounded by loved ones that you can feel so alone? I’m 2013 I was diagnosed with endometriosis and then over the years all my other illnesses have followed.
I’ve had many people want to put things behind them and move on and pretend like things are okay between us but it brings back a lot of memories. It makes it harder when they come up with excuses and try to pretend like you weren’t sick or that things were always fine. Just admit you were wrong and shouldn’t have treated me that way and should have respected me more at a time when I needed people in my life.
If you have someone in your life who is sick show them some love and compassion. Believe them and make sure they know you love them. Please don’t make them feel alone because it will destroy them at a time they need you the most.